I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
