Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
