i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
