some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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