i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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