Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
only if we run a train.
done.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
