fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
