Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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