Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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