What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
