is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
