Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
