Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
