He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i was born a porn star she said
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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