My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
