this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
