i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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