he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Apparently you make a good broom.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Mom said you looked used
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
