Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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