okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
