Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
