I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
