I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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