i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize