Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize