He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
