I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
