Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
