Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
