She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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