So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
