the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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