now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
