dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
