I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
