is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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