This is not my ceiling
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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