I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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