apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He better not be in your backpack
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
