I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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