If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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