just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
