I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
