Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
