It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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