if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
