Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
