go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize