LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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