Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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