I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
