I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
