Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
