Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize