I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
