So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
