if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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