Where are you?
In a non slutty way
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
