Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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