God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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