I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
