I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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