Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
