he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
