everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
