please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
