I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
