He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
