I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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