drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You ruined the universe
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
