Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
