I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
