90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
